Hey all, I hope you're really well and you're enjoying this incredible bout of gorgeous sunny weather, what a delightful and much needed dose of magic eh.
First of all, can we just talk about how CUTE these photos are! Taken last summer when Goldie was just 4-5 months old! They're such special photos to have and to treasure forever and I'm so excited to share them with you.
I also have a couple of thoughts and feelings that I would like to get off my chest, despite having spoken about with my gal pals A LOT in the last week or so, but sometimes it’s good to hear other thoughts on the matter too.
So as you may know, I currently work two days a week. Whilst it’s becoming increasingly clear that on certain weeks it isn’t enough , I’m just not quite ready to give up my days with Goldie. I’m prepared to muddle through and to juggle, to work smart and not hard for a little while longer.
With that, sometimes work trips, meetings and events mean that I have to spend my two working days away, overnight. I often feel so lucky that the events, trips and meetings I am invited to, happen to fall on my work days, which means I am able to attend. Many things are turned down each week as unfortunately they fall on my days with Goldie and I don’t want to be away from her any more than my two days. My work days tend to consist of the same routine (which is why my stories can often seem quite repetitive, sorry!) I leave for a coffee shop, my makeshift office, for 8am and work until 5ish so I can be home for Goldie’s tea time and bed time. It works well and gives both myself and my husband the best of both worlds for now, whilst she’s so young.
However, the past couple of weeks I’ve stayed overnight in London… TWICE! And trust me when I say the mum guilt is real! It shouldn’t be, as the only difference is that I’m not there for the two hours before bed and the early morning, but still, as I’m sure so many of you can relate, the guilt you feel as a mama is STRONG!
I know I am so lucky that Goldie is at home with her father and having a gorgeous time without me. She has no real idea that I’m away and anyway, as it’s for work I feel this sets a good example for the future regardless.
But what’s struck me about these last few trips are the questions FROM OTHER WOMEN about where my daughter is!
I’ve been confronted with women asking where she is, who she is with, why I’m away etc etc. And whilst for the most part these are well intentioned, I can’t help but get frustrated that these questions even “need” to be asked. We wouldn’t ask a dad these questions, we would just assume/know that the baby is being well taken care of at home or nursery by their mother or caregiver.
Yet when it comes to the mother being away for work purposes there are a million and one questions and judgements that come with it. The double standards between mothers and fathers is astonishing to me and not something I noticed or paid much attention to before becoming a mother myself.
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It also makes me sad that this judgement comes from other women. We should be championing all women, especially mothers. Whether that’s full time SAHM, working mamas and everything in between, motherhood is tough enough without having to justify every decision to other women. Men don’t get nor give this kind of judgement surrounding parenting so why do we, as women, feel the need to?
The whole “daddy day care” rubbish and the celebrating when dads take the baby out or get them dressed correctly for example, truly infuriate me. It isn’t daddy day care, he is simply caring for his child. And getting the child dressed, fed, watered, cleaned and out for the day is just part of being a good parent, something that either shouldn’t be celebrated at all or, in my opinion celebrated for both the mum and the dad.
I feel the need to caveat this again by saying how lucky I know I am to have a husband who shares the child care in this way so we can both work in jobs we love, but it’s sad that I do. I wish it was the norm for all.
But a mother going to work should also be the norm, should the mama want to. When I’m doing well at work I’m a happier person, which means I’m a better parent, wife, daughter, sister and friend. Thriving at work and enjoying what I do are such important parts of who I am and what makes me tick, in the same way that being with my daughter is (although that time is even more special to me of course) that without it, I genuinely believe I wouldn’t be who I am, I wouldn't feel happy or fulfilled. We’re all different, we’re all just muddling our way through, trying our best and figuring it all out, let’s not make it harder for one another my throwing unnecessary judgement.
These are just some of the thoughts and feelings that I have surrounding the inequalities between mums and dads. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this and I truly hope it’s given some of you some food for thought the next time you see a mama doing their thing.
M x
Morning Megan, normally I am a silent reader but I couldn’t help by respond to your latest blog post.
I too, am a working Mum (three days a week) and Mum to 5 year old Henry, and 2 year old Rose. I absolutely adore them, but confess I also enjoy being a working Mum and having that me time for my career and identity. As you say, the Mum guilt is real, and unfortunately so is the prejudice of being a working parent. Sometimes you can never win, all we can do is do our best for ourselves and our family.
Goldie is beautiful, be kind to yourself too, you are still a new Mum juggling is hard work, even finding time for ourselves can be a juggle but its so important to have some downtime and to not feel guilty. Lets hope those who have views on other parents parenting have a little think to themselves….maybe one day the penny may drop 🙂
B x x x
Aww, I loved reading this. As somebody planning a family, it was eye-opening!
Danielle | thereluctantblogger.co.uk
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