Like most, I prepped and prepared as often and as much as I could for the birth of my daughter… Which, whilst it was the most beautiful experience of my life, didn’t exactly go the way we’d hoped…
And yet, I did minimal preparation for when she was actually earth-side. We decorated her nursery, bought endless sleep suits and vests, even spoilt her with toys, despite knowing she wouldn’t be ready for them for months. I read tonnes of books but only one singular book for life with a baby, which was about breast feeding and actually super handy, it was Milking It by Chantelle Champs, let me know if the books I read both pre and post birth are of interest to you and I’ll pop a little blog post together for you.
After experiencing the most surreal, often traumatic but also magical experience of bringing a baby into the world, you’re left, just a day or days later, with this teeny tiny helpless human with very little support (especially during lockdown) and expected to know how to keep them alive. It’s just mad isn’t it. Thankfully, Goldie was a chill baby from the get go, my midwives were amazing and for everything else there was Google and the ever so occasional phone call to 111.
I feel like there is so much that isn’t said about being postpartum, you get the usual negative crap from other mums who have the “been there done that” attitude which isn’t usually very helpful or nice as I don’t want to hear that I should “enjoy it while it lasts” because every experience is very different thank you very much.
If you’re dealing with those negative Nelly’s then please know that sadly they come for every expectant mum and please also know that having a baby doesn’t necessarily mean every cup of tea will be cold, you won’t get to wear make up again and bubble baths are a thing of the past… I have several hot cups of tea a day, I wear make up most days and if I’m feeling it I have a soak in the bath every week. Having a baby doesn’t mean your life as you know it is over, for us, Goldie has slotted right in and it feels like she’s always been here, so if you’re expecting, hold on to that, it’s definitely not all doom and gloom as some would have us believe.
But anyway, what I really wanted to discuss today was the postpartum identity crisis that I’m currently going through and I know at least two other new mamas who are also struggling through right now.
I am the happiest I have ever been. I feel like I have a real purpose in life, a spark has been lit inside me and my life feels ever so completely whole since Goldie came into the world. It’s hard juggling two businesses, a baby, planning a wedding and trying to keep some sort of order at home, but I love it and I would not swap a single piece of it for the world. However, there is something inside me that is lost. A little slice of what made me me is missing and it’s really hard to explain, particularly since I just stated myself as being “whole”
It’s a small piece and one that, if I didn’t do what I do for a living, it might not feel like such a big deal. But since I am a fashion content creator, wearing clothes that make me feel great, that look great and hopefully leave you guys feeling inspired is a large part of my day-to-day. In fact let’s be real here, it’s the whole point of what I do.
So when I'm looking into the mirror at a body I no longer recognise with a heap of clothes on the bed that no longer fit or flatter my all new shape, it’s really quite a big ordeal.
I have hips for the first time in my life, real sexy curvy hips, and I like them, however, I’m not sure how to dress them, how long they’ll stick around and if I should invest in clothes that fit them or hold on a few months to see if what they say is true and I’ll return to my version of “normal” by the time Goldie is one years old.
I also naturally have a tummy which means the clothes I used to feel great in now cling in places that I’m not yet comfortable being clung to. Not to mention the majority of things just simply do not fit past my shoulders… Yep apparently thats a thing, your whole skeleton can shift… BIZARRE!
SHIRT- c/o ARKET, JEANS- LEVIS, BAG- c/o CHRISTIAN LOUBOUTIN, SANDALS- c/o KURT GEIGER
And whilst clothes are just clothes, they’re a huge part of what makes me me and I’m sure a huge part of what makes many-a-mama feel like them. I’ve always championed how fashion is more than just “fashion” it’s a lifestyle, a huge part of ones identity and can be the difference between a good day or a bad day for so many. Clothes are a huge part of what make me confident and without them, I’m completely lacking, I’m self conscious, emotional and ever so lost with who I am.
Yet I’m happy; happier than ever before and pushing on, knowing that this will pass and that it is normal to feel this way. However, I do wish more people would talk about this as it was never something I was prepared for until now and until talking to other new mums and hearing how they feel exactly the same way.
I basically need a brand new wardrobe. I need to clear the majority of it out and start again.
But it’s so hard to do when in the last few years I’ve been mindful of what I’ve been buying and I’ve invested in higher priced pieces that I thought would last a lifetime… (don’t even get me started on shoes, I have a pair of Gucci loafers that I can’t even fit my toes into anymore…) But in this respect it really is just clothes and rather than having a whole host of beautiful clothes hanging in my wardrobe, beautiful clothes that I can no longer fit in to and therefore hating myself and my new incredible, magical, child creating body, I should cut the fashion cord and let go of them in favour of new pieces that make me and my new body feel just as fab as the old stuff did.
Anyone else with me? Seriously if you’d like to buy a piece of my wardrobe let me know as chances are it’ll be up for sale soon.
Amongst the chaos of motherhood, a loss of identity and more happiness than I ever felt possible, there were some pieces that have really helped me through this last 4 months; Pieces other than leggings, joggers and trainers, I promise.
The first being oversized shirts, both printed, colourful and of course, you can’t beat a simple white shirt. They’ve been such a saviour for hiding all the bits I’m not quite sure about just yet but still allowing for styling opportunities through accessories, shoes and jackets/waistcoats etc. They're breastfeeding friendly and also something I found to work well whilst I was pregnant to, a good thing to invest in, in my opinion.
I’ve loved high waisted jeans (granted two sizes bigger than before) particularly these Levi’s rib cage babies and all of the Ragged Priest designs you’ve seen me rocking since baby.
Waistcoats have been so fab for the warmer months as it’s meant I can wear jeans and trousers that I’m not quite so confident in right now, but the waistcoat adds an extra layer which covers my bum, my new hips and my tum, whilst adding a little something extra to my looks too. I won’t hide forever, I know I’ll get there with loving myself once again, but for now it’s a process, that waistcoats are really helping me through.
Cross body bags have also been really fab for breaking up an outfit, adding some interest, drawing the eye down the body which in-turn works to elongate. Not to mention they’re cute af and always work to add a spring to my step.
And now, the hunt for the perfect summer dress or two is on. I’m now on the prowl for some summer dresses that are right for me; dresses I can lean on when the sun shines or layer up when it’s a little more cloudy. Dresses that feel like me, even with this identity crisis thing that’s going on right now. I have a few on there way to me as I have some rather exciting events coming up, one being my birthday, that I want, no, I need to look fab for.
Watch this space, I’ll update accordingly.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read this post. I would love to chat with some of you in the comments if you have been through this identity crisis malarky and of course if you have any tips for getting over the new mum identity crisis as I have a feeling there could be others reading this post who are feeling exactly the way I do too. And if that's you, hi, hello, I would love to hear from you, us new mamas gotta stick together.
Lots of love to you all
x M
It’s so completely normal. I didn’t prepare for the postpartum period at all and I think I went into total shock afterwards. Although I was the happiest I’d ever been, and felt like bringing a child into the world gave me a whole new meaning of life, a birth trauma and 2 stone heavier was a shock to the postpartum system. I decided to put all my old clothes in the loft so I wasn’t constantly bullying myself they didn’t fit and bought temporary pieces until my body went back – and it did. I found physio really helpful for my diastasis recti (new tummy) and eventually started losing weight. My ‘baby’ is nearly 2 and I finally feel like I know who I am again – a better version of the person I was before too. It just takes time – for me it was 9 months but that makes sense to me. Be kind to yourself and eliminate any external pressures ✌🏼
I like this idea a lot. Putting clothes away somewhere else for a time seems like a much better idea than selling them on. I’ve had some physio too for the same reasons which I hope will help.
I LOVE that, “a better version of the person I was before too” that’s beautiful.
Thanks so much for sharing xxx
Completely agree! When I had my first baby I was so underprepared for how much my body would change. It took a little while but I gradually felt better than ever, some changes were very temporary and some permanent which I eventually loved in time but it takes some getting used to!! Fast forward and I’ve now had my second baby and even though I knew the changes that occurred, it shocked me again, however I’ve been soooo much more relaxed about it this time around and the indenting crisis does not feel as extreme as last time… Yes my body has changed AGAIN, however, I’m also confident I’ll feel myself again as it’s happened before!! A very daunting, wild experience. Well done, you’re doing amazing Mamas x
LOVE that! I guess experience is key and now I know whats to come if we’re lucky enough to have any more babies.
Thank you so much for reading and sharing, it means the world xx
This really hit home with me Megan!
I had always been curvy but super toned and I loved my body, felt really strong and confident and I knew how to dress my body before Seb came along.
I don’t know if this will make you feel any better, but I’m 18 months post baby and my body is only just slowly getting back to ‘normal’. Yes, my body shape is different but I’m starting to feel like myself again. I worked out everyday (hard) and whilst it made me feel great, my body didn’t change like I thought it would, sometimes that takes time.
I don’t think there is enough information on post baby bodies, we’re expected to believe that you just ‘bounce back’, that certainly hasn’t been my experience and the experience of my fellow new mum friends.
I’ve spoken to a few mums (because my midwife told me my body should be back to normal in 6 months hahahahaha) and they’ve all had really similar experiences, apparently it can take up to 2 years to get back to pre baby body.
But my best advice (coming from someone that’s had an eating disorder), be patient, whilst it’s hard, I promise you it will come. You’ll wake up one day and feel confident in your clothes (whether they’re suited to your new body or if you’re back to pre baby body), it will happen and you’ll feel yourself again.
Try not to get lost in the cloud of social body pressure, you look wonderful! I’ve followed you for years and I even said to my husband the other day ‘Megan is literally glowing, she looks amazing’.
Keep rockin’ it gal 💕
My midwife told me 6 months too! Patience is definitely not my strong suit, never has been (eeek!) but I know that you’re so so right! I’m so proud of what my body has done and continues to do for us both.
Thanks for your lovely kind words, for reading and sharing your story too, it means the absolute world x
Oh ma goodness can totally relate.
I felt like this after my babies. Totally and utterly lost as to what I was “meant” to wear and also what suited me. And you’re right, it’s not spoken about enough.
Also I felt like I wasn’t really allowed to talk about it as I could offend someone or be told “but you look great” (when I felt weird and a bit lost!).
Post-baby is a real discombobulating, albeit lovely, time! On top of the whirlwind of motherhood it’s re-adjusting to a new body shape (which may or may not stay!) and finding new pieces that work ennit!
Looking forward to seeing what new pieces you get whoop!
Loved reading this and Thankyou for sharing x
“Also I felt like I wasn’t really allowed to talk about it as I could offend someone or be told “but you look great” (when I felt weird and a bit lost!)”
THIS!!!!! I think it’s so hard to admit you’re having a hard time about some things because somebody has always got things a little bit harder, but our woes are still totally valid <3<3<3
Thanks so much for reading Cat and for sharing your thoughts xxxx
Omg yes, this!! I found myself wondering whether I should buy new clothes, how long my body would be like this, wondering what other people do, etc etc etc, as no-one talks about it! Ended up spending a FORTUNE buying new bits that fit (including going for a bra fitting and getting new ones) and it has been game changing – I’m beginning to feel a bit more myself again, although I’m having to learn what the ‘casual’ version of myself would wear as I’m used to the version of me that’s in my heeled boots heading to work every day. Baby is three months old now and I’m getting there slowly but it’s a process and definitely one people should speak about more so thank you for that. Xx
Thanks Jazmin, I too have spent a small fortune on new pieces and whilst 99% of them went back because I still haven’t got to grips with these new hips of mine… Those that did work are really helping put that spring back in my step. I’m glad it’s helped you too <3
They say it takes 9 months to grow a baby and almost double that to recover- and that might be literally from tears and scars and also mentally and emotionally too…I’m due any day now and have struggled these last few months with my changing shape. I have boobs- I have never had boobs!- That I don’t know how to dress; my tomboyish, relaxed style doesn’t suit my incredibly womanly shape and it can feel alienating. One thing I’m doing that I will do once the baby is here is take the opportunity to embrace the change (I mean I say that now, let’s see!) I’ve put all my “unforgiving” clothes in the loft and look forward to revisiting them when the time is right, I’ve also taken a few fashion queues from my more “busty” friends who always look fab, in the hope that some of their wardrobe tips and tricks will work for me…it’s no doubt going to be tricky but well done for being so honest about how you feel xxx
I struggled with my new boobs too, I never had boobs and then suddenly BAM they were here! I kinda love them now and I’m making the most of them as I’m sure they’ll (typically) be the first thing to leave the building.
I’m definitely going to follow your lead and hide away my clothes rather than selling them, hopefully that will help.
Thank you xxxx
I so can relate to what you are feeling! I am not in the fashion industry but I have loved fashion every since I was little and I can say I am pretty proud of my clothes/shoes collection.
I gave birth almost 11 months ago, and the love I feel for my baby and get back from him is the sweetest love I have ever experienced however for so long after I gave birth I felt like I had lost my identity. Very few of my clothes fitted me and I just didn’t feel like myself at all.
I also had these thoughts that now that I a mum maybe I cannot wear mini skirts or I will always be in leggings and never care about how I look ever again because there won’t be no time…
I am only 36 and I felt so old.
Thank goodness for my therapist. She said don’t think of it like you lost your identity just think that there is a new identity that’s added to your existing one, that of motherhood.
I promise you, you will feel like yourself again and your body will come back, it might take 1 year or 2, but it will! Please don’t sell or give away anything from your lovely wardrobe just yet, it’s too early, your baby is so little, give yourself more time!
Your feet will most probably come back to, just wait and see but don’t think all of this will be like this forever.
I also felt like this, I thought this is it I am never getting my old self back and I couldn’t believe my eyes when I managed to get into my old jeans!
I also felt so old!!! It’s crazy, ’cause we know we’re not. I think it also had a lot to do with being in lockdown. It seems that once we could go out again, everyone had gotten younger… It was so weird for me at first.
I just LOVE LOVE LOVE what your therapist has said “a new identity added to my existing one” that is beautiful! I’ll be repeating that to myself going forward.
Thank you so so much for sharing that xx
Hi Megan
Thanks for sharing this, I feel completely the same. I gave birth to my daughter in November and unlike with my first daughter the weight has stuck to me and I’ve found it really hard to shift. Although clothes don’t form part of my career they are a huge part of my life and like you they are how I am able to express myself as well as feel confident. I must admit at first I fell into the trap of looking at myself in the mirror and dissecting every inch of my body which I don’t like. I love what my body has done for me but hate what stares back at me in the mirror. However, for the past 4 months I’ve been working out and walking regularly and eating healthily. I have given myself a year to get to where I want to be as ultimately I don’t want to do anything too drastic and want this to be a change that’s sustainable. I also want to feel proud of myself and for my daughter but also for them not to see me scrutinising my body. As for fashion – an a-line dress or fab print are my best friends right now.
Anyway big congratulations on Goldie and your impending wedding. You look amazing IMO
Charlotte xx
You’re so right, clothes don’t need to form your career for them to mean a lot to our identities and who we are, you’re so so right!
I’ve also been naughty and picked myself a part in the mirror, it’s not good is it 🙁 But like you have been working on healthier lifestyle choices for the last 6 weeks and it’s helping both my physical and mental health.
Thank you for sharing and congrats on your daughter too <3<3<3
This is something I’ve really struggled with during pregnancy! Ive always been a high waited trouser kind of girl, and for obvious reasons that’s had to be put on the back burner….for how long, we will see!
Ive quite enjoyed wearing more ‘girly’ things this summer, especially with it being so warm recently, ive invested in some floaty dresses (not my usual style at all!) I suppose it’s been a good opportunity to try out some new things style wise. Your style always looks so effortless Megan and I’ve loved seeing your maternity and now postpartum looks! I’m due in 9 weeks ish so I have plenty of ‘growing’ to go haa. Thanks for all the inspiration! 🧡
I hear ya on the high waisted trouser! I missed them SO much whilst pregnant!
Thank you so so much for the kind words and I am SO excited for you, enjoy every minute of your pregnancy! xxx
Hi Megan, I haven’t yet experienced the postpartum body, but feel I’m definitely going through something similar at just 21 weeks pregnant… Like you, I love to wear clothes which make me feel happy and reflect my personality, definitely opting for bright colours and 60s/70s shapes. Now that my bump is bigger, EVERY SINGLE SEPARATE in my wardrobe has become unwearable! I’m anxious of the post partum stage for this reason, but will eye up some baggy shirts on your recommendation. Thank you! Last week we found out we’re also having a girl, so I’m getting excited about (don’t cringe) matching dungarees and other outfits! By the way, I think you always look gorgeous and I’m sure George adores you even more now you’re an amazing baby mama! Thanks for everything you do and I hope you begin to feel more confident soon. Xxx
It’s such a huge adjustment but you’ve got this girlie! Oversized shirts, fun leggings or elasticated trousers, colourful joggers, loose dresses (especially in this heat I’m sure) will all be your saviours as you get further into your pregnancy and the bonus is you’ll likely wear them for the first few months when baby girl is here (HUGE congrats btw and I am HERE for matching outfits) or at least I did… But of course we’re all so different.
Thanks for your lovely message, it means so so much x
Thank you for so much honesty. I haven’t got children but I see women online seemingly seem to spring back into their pre baby bodies and I just think that pressure on me as a new mum would be such a lot to handle. You might feel insecure but honestly you look amazing! X
I can totally relate! My 6 week old daughter is lying on my chest as I type this and I have never known a love like it, but I too feel at a loss with my post baby bod!
When she arrived I was so amazed at what our bodies can do and at first I was just pleased to be able to see my toes again and shave my lege stress free – haha. I know its still early but at things start to settle I’m starting to resent the stomach paunch and stretchmarks that remain. My wardrobe is currently tshirts and leggings and after a year of working from home and now post partum life I am dying to dress up and feel like myself again. I agree that bags and shoes are probably the best investments to make whilst we hold back and see whether a new wardrobe is needed long term – but you’re totally not alone and you summed up how I feel perfectly!
Oh and keep the shoes for Goldie! If she has your size feet teenage her with thank you!
Ahhh Hannah congratulations! I hope you’re both doing well <3 Such gorgeous times.
HAHAHA I hear you on the toes and shaving legs front that's for sure!
I also hear you on the desperation to dress up again and feel like yourself, I have my first girls day out this weekend and I'm so excited to put on a dress and some heels! You'll get that again so so soon <3
Alsoooo thanks so much for the "keep the shoes for Goldie" WHAT A GREAT IDEA!!! x
Megan, thank you so much for sharing how you are feeling. It’s so nice to read how happy you all are 🙂 and Goldie sounds like a dream!
Although I can’t relate in terms of my body being post-partum, I can relate with how a change of shape can affect your identity when it comes to fashion. I have Endometriosis and often have what they call an “Endo belly”. This means so many clothes are uncomfortable on me. I would LOVE to see any fashion-forward empire line dresses / anything comfortable you may find. I am with you on the oversized shirts!
It may not mean anything cos it’s always how you feel inside, but you look absolutely beautiful, always! Sending love xxx
Ahhh Jade, wow thank you for sharing, it means a lot! Empire line dresses and comfortable finds coming right up!
Thank you for reading lovely x
New baby in March and I’m so glad to read this and the comments and know other mums go through the same! for me I had hips but never had boobs and learning to dress those (as well as breastfeeding friendly options) has been the challenge – especially working within fashion when small mangoes are the norm!
It’s new, I’m not okay with it yet but I know I’ll grow to embrace the tatas!
Boobs and breastfeeding friendly clothing… I feel ya, such a tricky one!
EMBRACE THE TATAS hahaha thats just brilliant.
Thank you for sharing and HUGE congrats on your new baby <3 I hope you're both doing really well x
This was just what i needed to read today. 9 week old baby boy with lots of post lockdown events coming up (hen parties, birthdays, weddings) ❤️ oversized shirts have been my go to, but now the sun has his hat on its challenging. I used to rock the no bra in summer with crop toos, but my new boobs and breastfeeding are ruling them out. I put all my effort into dressing the baby beautifully and then grab a midi skirt and oversized tee with converse most days.
Working progress
Thanks Megan x
CONGRATS on your baby boy, that is so beautiful. I hope you’re both doing so so well <3
I also have hen parties, birthdays and my own wedding (eeeek) coming up so I absolutely hear you!
Goldie is so well dressed every day and I'm over here in my sloppy t-shirt and leggings most days, but hey ho, that seems to be new motherhood for you eh!
Lots of love to you and yours from me and mine <3 x
Totally relate to this, I feel like we feel guilty for recognising these feelings because we know how lucky and happy we are to have our babies.
I had a daughter last summer and have just returned to work and feel at such a loss with my style and identity. I’m still battling to look like my former self and refuse to buy clothes to suit my new shape (or rather I have no idea how to dress it) so try to stick to what I know and end up feeling self aware and lacking confidence. Such a tricky time and since returning to work I’m feeling it. Clothes used to make me feel empowered even on the hardest days at work and I’m feeling totally exposed without that.
Thanks for bringing this to light, we should be talking more openly about aspects of motherhood that leave a huge impact like this. It’s not a negative thing to feel this way, we can feel lost identity wise and all fired up as a mother hand in hand.
Thanks for sharing x
“I feel like we feel guilty for recognising these feelings because we know how lucky and happy we are to have our babies” THIS! I am with you on this! It’s sad that we have to stay quiet or “feel guilty” for how we feel, it shouldn’t be this way and other people shouldn’t make us feel that we need to suffer in silence simply because they have other problems that they deem more important. Our feelings are always valid <3 <3 <3
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I'm sorry you're also having a hard time with it, it's mad how much of our identity and confidence lies in our fashion choices. I have no doubt that we will all get there in time. But for now, know that I completely agree with feeling self aware in the pieces that once made me feel self confident.
Lots of lvoe to you xx
I know one shouldn’t compare oneself to others, but reading this makes me feel a bit sad really. I think that maybe a lot of the “negative crap” coming from mums is actually mums who are very tired and have had a hard time post baby..? I know I did, and if you haven’t had any problems with breastfeeding, sleep, colic etc, then you are very fortunate 🙂 Please don’t underestimate the problems new mums can have <3
Sorry that my post made you feel sad Cam, that was absolutely not my intention. I’ve certainly had my fair share of hardships with being a new mum, colic was big in our house for some time and it’s not always been plain-sailing when it comes to sleep, being a mum yourself you must know that it’s a rollercoaster of ups and downs. I just choose to focus on the positives where possible. However, this post wasn’t about that, it was about feeling lost within myself and the identity crisis a lot of new mums seemingly go through (I now know this from the other comments under this post)
I haven’t underestimated anybodies problems and never ever would. I think you’ve missed the point of this blogpost and you’ve chosen to see the negative in one sentence rather than taking the post for what it is.
I’m afraid you can’t expect people to “dull their sparkle” so to speak, in order to keep others happy, sadly that is unfair of an ask.
This was a great read thank you Megan.
Hello! Oh phew! So glad someone is talking about this: 9 weeks in to parenting and it’s great but tough. I’ve felt ok clothing wise but more just this feeling of missing my old life and then enormous guilt! The baby is great and has been fab but I want to just sometimes pop out for a coffee ya know!
You look amazing whatever size and shape you are. Thanks for sharing and you are already a fab mother xx
Hi Milly, there really is no ‘popping’ anywhere as a mum to a baba is there? LOL Good luck with mum life xxxxx
Thank you THANK YOU for writing this Megan! I vigorously nodded along to every word.
I had my baby boy 7 months ago and am completely obsessed with him. However, from early on I struggled with how to dress my pregnancy shape. I’ve always been slim and so the pace at which my body was changing, whilst magical, was something I struggled with – Em Rata summed it up for me comparing it to some days feeling like a goddess, the next, Winnie-the-Pooh. I’ve always been a lover of fashion but I was actually thankful I didn’t need to attempt stylish work outfits and could hide behind my laptop at home in leggings & a sports bra for most of my pregnancy.
Then came the post birth body. Well. After months of people telling me “oh you’ll snap right back” (Adding this to the list of things not to say to a pregnant woman) I was almost embarrassed when I didn’t. I was in total shock at my shape – the tummy & massive boobs were so alien. I’d been so looking forward to post baby dressing but it was suddenly a source of frustration that I couldn’t grasp the same style I had pre baby which made up a significant part much of my identity. I felt self conscious in a way I never have before.
As many people say, when I hit the 5 / 6 month mark I felt far more myself – my physical shape was much closer to how it was pre baby and with it I could wear loads of the clothes I used to. I hadn’t realised how much I relied on looking & feeling good. It shouldn’t be trivialised how clothes make us feel, the ease of throwing together an outfit & the mental freedoms it gives you. It’s been soo good getting my wardrobe back & reuniting with high waisted jeans has been the best! My body is still not quite the same and breast feeding, I fear, has ruined my tits forever, but I kinda don’t care now because I made and fed my little chubby angel and I can make my clothes work for me. I think I’ve found the balance between old and new me.
One last thing, I now look back and think why did I criticise that bloody beautiful pre baby body and also DAMN I looked great pregnant. Major eye roll for me after allll my moaning at the time but I’m trying to take a learning from this – to appreciate what we have right now in that mirror. Its almost definitely not as imperfect as our minds let us think and I don’t want to look back in 5 years and think “god I looked good, I wish I thought I did at the time” so I’m trying to say nice things to myself when I look in the mirror. Be my own cheerleader.
Anyway, I have a thousand thoughts on this but wanted to say I FEEL YOU, thank you for articulating what I couldn’t and congratulations on your beautiful Goldie. Oh and you look utterly amazing as always x
I haven’t had a baby yet, but for the first time in my life I’ve really felt alien about my body. I’ve put on a tiny amount of weight during lockdown, and although very minimal, it’s hit me in all the wrong places for all my jeans and dresses. I feel most confident in midi or maxi dresses which are figure fitting, but I can’t bring myself to wear one through insecurity over my tummy! It’s so ridiculous and we all have amazing bodies, but the impact a little change in our bodies has on our brains is huge! I’ve always wondered how much my body will change during pregnancy as my family tend to go from tiny size 6 and flat chested to full on hips, bum, thighs and boobs haha! Although I’m not in the same position as you I’m so glad you shared as its reassuring to know that we all feel this way and that bodies change and grow and its normal and wonderful xxx
Hello! You are seen and all feelings are valid. Thank you thank you thank you! I may have a couple of tears reading this as it so beautifully puts into words what I am feeling (10 weeks postpartum). I will be showing this to my husband tonight.
I hate “wasting” money on clothes but it is the difference between a good or a bad day for me – looking, no FEELING, confident, comfortable and happy. So often I think my wonderful, supportive husband doesn’t understand why I am in a “bad mood” and I feel silly saying it is “because I have nothing to wear”. Yes, I have “things to wear” but they make me feel worse – so I stay in leggings and a jumper and then feel unproductive. This all feels incredible frivolous. Even just writing this comment. But I am so thankful to read this post. Wishing you all the best for motherhood and your new (or interim) style journey. Good luck and I am looking forward to following along on this chapter as someone who can relate 100%.
I look forward to reading through all the comments.
I defiantly went though an identity crisis after the birth of my little one. I was living at home with my parents and my partner too and felt I had such a watchful eye over me and that I should be happy all the time which didn’t help in the slightest. Sometimes I just wanted to cry but couldn’t deal with the “are you alright” convo that would follow if I was seen puffy eyed by my dad, who works from home.
I had a problem accepting who I was, I knew I was now a mum which was great and you know what that wasn’t the hard bit I knew I could do that, but was that all I was now? So long of my life I had spent studying to be and then was a fashion designer it had become part of who I was, now I wasn’t I wasn’t fashionable I was frumpy and a bit over weight still – even now to be honest – I winced at my 30th birthday photos wishing the double chin wasn’t there and now spend so much money on under eye cream!
Still now I question my place when I return to work – will anyone want me? will I still be valid? I won’t be able to/ don’t want to work ridiculous overtime hours at the drop of a hat. Every design team I was on previously had been under 30’s non mothers.
I still haven’t returned to work and frankly I find it all a bit daunting need some encouragement to change my path and really find somthing I can be happy in.
On the other hand I’ve also struggled with “just being a mum” I feel so many people online are shown to be setting up their own business or have a side venture, I barely have time to clean, laundry and cook whilst looking after my little one. I almost feel shame that I’m not “doing” anything else with my time, that at the moment I’m “just a mum” which I think is a real problem with how our society or even this generation view motherhood. So yes there are many more struggling with their new selves and I’m glad your talking about it, I feel you have to have gone through it as to not have the “you should be so happy” stance. Yes I am happy with my life but it’s shift in my life not a completion.
All of what you say totally resonated with me! You’re not alone. Had my little girl in Feb 2020 and I found it it a long recovery from the birth – mainly because of damage from forceps and body confidence resulting from that. But also from that awful first lockdown and I missed my mum and sis something chronic. I surprised myself by loving breastfeeding but found my body quickly went back to normal after my daughter decided she wanted to stop. I started to heal properly and my body felt more like it did. Breastfeeding mummies have performed the miracle of pregnancy and birth but are then nourishing a growing person with their body so it’s no wonder there are all these funny changes in their own bodies and it does take a while to recover. It’s mentally gruelling being so needed too… It sounds like you’re doing an amazing job and your little family is thriving which is so lovely but there’s no denying it is physically and psychologically challenging – especially in these unprecedented times. Strangely you quickly adapt though and then looking back wonder how you coped with the void! When my little girl stopped breastfeeding I was stunned by how broody I felt! Now we’re having another little girl in September. My two girls will have the same age gap as me and my sister. Nothing has ever felt so right! I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t underestimate what your body has done and is doing, be gentle with it and have faith that it’ll feel like it did sooner than you think and your lovely wardrobe will be waiting! I found a daily long pram walk helped me feel good because it was gentle movement and my body had been through a lot – but we’re all different. For what it’s worth, I think your mummy figure suits you and being a mum in the wider sense most definitely! So huge congrats on your lovely daughter and thanks too for sharing your feelings on this during what has been such an isolating time for new mums and dads. xxx
You put something into words that I haven’t been able to really understand before. My little boy is 5 months and I exclusively breastfeed him. Loving it and feeling very lucky – but when I read ‘it’s mentally gruelling to be needed so much’ I nodded. And yet I really don’t want to start weaning because that’s the end of one era.
I wasn’t prepared for how little I’d have in my wardrobe which was suitable for breastfeeding. I’m 9 weeks pp and managing to shower, get dressed and put make up on every day but the limitations of my breastfeeding wardrobe have been getting me down a little. Would love to see a breastfeeding friendly edit if you decide to do one anytime soon – I can’t believe there aren’t more out there as it’s such a limiting time and so many women all over the country would have need of it!
I love this. Once again you’ve got the nail on the head. I had my baby nearly 25 years ago and definitely felt exactly the same. I didn’t feel myself at all and totally agree it can feel like a “shock” to the system. I think some women are just more analytical about the changes that happen when you have a baby and others perhaps just go with the flow and are a bit more accepting/don’t challenge it too much. I think this is a really complex area and just talking really helps. Negativity doesn’t help and it takes great strength to ignore it. I know this is why I am guilty for not talking about postpartum (or labour) too much. I haven’t wanted to be negative or off putting to anyone else, least of all my son, but, having an honest chat amongst friends is supportive, reassuring and quite honestly a bit of a relief xxx
It’s honestly the biggest relief knowing I’m not on my own feeling this way 8 weeks post-partum. As if it’s not enough to have the responsibility of a new born, but also dealing with the whole identity crisis that comes along with it – it’s a heck of a journey. Hats off to everyone going through it, the more we are open and honest the better I really believe! If anything, I feel for times gone by where new mums felt this way and were misunderstood or judged for it, not saying this has changed too much as I myself feel judged most days.
Thank you Megan for being so honest about your experience, it’s such a relief having others out there similar to me! Sending all the love ti you and yours x
Hi Megan! c:
I did notice your body change but I thought wooow it’s great that she’s still rocking her style, when I become a mom, I wanna look like that! I don’t wanna wear the typical boring mom outfit.
I don’t know if this is global, but in Mexico, people tell you: You’re a mom now, you should be more serious, can’t keep dressing like young people, f*ck you know! Having 20’s or 30’s it’s being young.
So congrats on being a great mom and raising your child, cause it’s a hard but beautiful task.
I am 8 months pp and honestly feel like I could have written this myself! Also I don’t know about you but I feel a sort of strange hybrid of on one hand actually feeling more comfortable in my own skin than I ever have because I know it grew my baby boy…but then on the other hand just hating everything I put on and not really recognising myself in the mirror….or worse….in photos!
I’m due the dreaded summer/winter switch over of clothes and I think I’ll keep hold of special pieces I love that I know I’ll wear again one day but going to try to be realistic with stuff I’ve worn a few times, on nights out (for example) that most likely are redundant now, for regular use anyway! Then as always I’ll probably regret getting rid of them in years to come! I just want to say too though, that you’re rocking motherhood and I think you always look wonderful! xxxx
Congratulations on your new arrival sweetie!
Danielle | thereluctantblogger.co.uk
Hi Megan,
I’m expecting my first baby in a few weeks and have found your pregnancy and post-partum style really inspiring, maybe even more so than your pre-pregnancy looks! My changing shape has definitely been an adjustment for me, and I’m sure even more so in the post-partum period, but have found your openness and attitude to it really comforting. Thank you for sharing, so much for us to get our head around as expectant and new mums and with all the important birth/baby related things to think about it’s easy to not give air time to how we feel about ourselves but it’s such an important part of transitioning into motherhood. I’m so glad for people like you sharing the realness of it all, especially that hot cup of teas are not so elusive as you’re made to believe! xxxx
Thanks for how open and transparent this post is. I’m not a mum but we all struggle with body changes etc and it is something that worries me if I have a baby one day.
As for buying pieces of your wardrobe I am absolutely obsessed with the Topshop contrast stitch boiler suit and have searched the internet high and low for it, so I’d absolutely buy that off you if you are getting rid.
Lots of love to you and your little fam x
Hi Megan, I couldn’t not leave a comment after reading this post. Loving all the other comments and your replies too. My story/ post partum ID crisis goes like this- 4 year struggle to get pregnant, 2 operations and a suite of failed fertility treatments before 2 rounds of IVF (the 2nd worked, yay!). I had to lose 4 stone- a quarter of my body weight when I started- to quality for IVF on the NHS. I did it and rightly so, was very proud of myself. It was also very hard, as I just plain love choc and unhealthy food. I eat well too, but I also eat bad. Food is my pleasure and comfort, what can I say?
Anyway I, like you, read extensively about pregnancy, labor (ended up being horrible but hey) and looking after baby, but only 1 book on post partum for parents (the fantastic Anna Williamson’s Breaking Mum and Dad) and a lovely little book aimed at mums and taking care of yourself during the newborn phase.
But there was precious little else for later down the line. Its like, you get past month 3 and suddenly you will be all healed, not anxious about baby and coping with everything fine. I was fine until around 7 months (she was born Sept 20) and then my mental health plummeted.
I had already struggled in the newborn phase and gone back on anti depressants (life long depression sufferer, came off ADs when pregnant to take no risks with baby), ending my breastfeeding journey at 3 months (weep). I was, and am, perfectly happy with my beautiful baby and still am- I adore being a mummy. I LOVE every nappy change, every feed- every day flies by too quickly. Of course, there are things I don’t enjoy- I hate sterilizing bottles, all the extra washing up now she’s weaning and how much of a saga it is to get out the house on time for things!! Just wanted to throw that in for balance- LOL
It was myself I was unhappy with and drove me back to ADs. I felt like a failure because I’d put weight on since baby arrived ( I only put half a stone on when pregnant), I felt like I was letting her down, not keeping the house in order enough, being a crap wife because I was so tired in the evenings- all standard new mum stuff but my self loathing spiked and the critical voice in my head was having a field day.
Being back on ADs helped and I muddled through lockdown 3 (god that felt like it went on forever) then all of a sudden in April I went massively down hill. I ended up doubling my ADs and getting some counselling, all of which is helping enormously.
My post partum crisis was actually nothing new, I’ve always struggled with self loathing and feeling like a failure, but for the sake of my sanity I’ve had to start accepting that I can’t do all the things I did before (immaculate home, gym 3/ 4 times a week, eat well all the time to keep the weight off, be great company all the time to my husband etc.) and a lot of acceptance and kindness towards myself has had to ensue (still working on this). I only felt I was doing OK pre- baby when I was on top of all those things but I simply can’t do it all now despite expecting myself too, and I need to accept the new me and the changes to my lifestyle and silence the critical voice from telling me I’m a waste of space because I can’t do all that and be a mummy.
The weight gain has also been an issue. Putting weight back on after losing so much is classic failure behavior, but I’m trying to be kind to myself. I’ve got a new exercise regime which is working much better for me than the gym, I’m trying my best to cut out the crap and I’ve also, as others have suggested, put away the clothes that are too tight for now in storage so I don’t keep beating myself up because they don’t fit.
Whatever size I am (I’ve been everything from a 14 to a 22) I love my body and fashion/ clothes- its fun to dress nicely and express yourself with fashion. Like you, it is a big part of who I am. I’m accepting now some of my pre- baby clothes can wait and invested in some new stylish, comfy pieces for now. Its easy to say this on a ‘good day’ but our bodies really are amazing and growing an entire human baby ourselves BLOWS MY MIND. Pack the clothes not serving you now to revisit in the future and keep loving yourself xxx
I totally get your crisis, especially as fashion and influencing is your job too, but know your fans love you and we want you to be happy. Thank you for sharing your story, sorry this is so long! Post- partum life for mums definitely needs more air time!!!
I’m a bigger person, on the smaller side of plus size. Well, that is until I threw up for the whole of my pregnancy and had such bad reflux that I really had to force myself to eat. I lost about 16 kilos and 1.5 dress sizes as my body shape has also changed. Last year was spent in leggings anyway and I had to buy a lot of new clothes online (I had my son in February when everything was still locked down). Most of what I bought doesn’t really fit but is too big or small but what’s worst for me is that I feel scared of putting on weight again for the first time in years. I haven’t had scales in forever and did not care at all about my weight or shape. But now some switch has been turned and suddenly I care again. I don’t really worry about what I eat and walking a lot more than before and breastfeeding help to not put on too much, but somewhere inside it bothers me when jeans aren’t as too big as they were immediately after pregnancy. But I love food and cooking too much so I hopefully won’t get too inhibited by this new worry.
And don’t even get me started on finding a non-traditional colourful and sparkly wedding dress for the wedding we’ve pushed back 12 months to August 2022…
Hi Milly, there really is no ‘popping’ anywhere as a mum to a baba is there? LOL Good luck with mum life xxxxx
This is just what I needed to read, thank you!
I feel like I’ve lost my identity since giving birth and have not had the courage to tell anyone as I thought I was being selfish/guilty for thinking about losing a little part of myself.
This is something that isn’t spoken about enough so thank you for being so honest.
I love that you’ve written about this!! 🙌🏼 I’ve struggled with feeling happy with my body since I was at secondary school as I was always bigger than all my friends (now I look back & I actually wasn’t that big at all!) anyway, before I got pregnant I had started to adjust my mindset & become really happy with my body. Finally I felt I understood how to dress to flatter & feel great about it- I’ve also always been obsessed with all things fashion so just felt really at ease with my image & was enjoying shopping. Once Romy was born, I didn’t realise at first due to lockdown living in joggers/tees, but I suddenly felt like I didn’t know how to dress! Everything I put on I felt looked a bit ‘mumsy’ on me & just felt like I couldn’t be seen as anything but a mum. I’m 8m postpartum now & am only just starting to find outfits that I feel like me again in, and yes, I’ve also spent a small fortune on basically a new wardrobe to get here! 😬
It’s been so good to hear others say they have been/are going through something similar, we need to stick together! X
I felt exactly this way with my first daughter. Changes in body shape, confidence teamed with the need for clothing which I could feed in! I did however find after the first year and after mat leave finished I did manage to find some kind of self back. A new style and confidence appeared and even new career opportunities. I really feel looking back that I grew so much in that first year. Anyways I’m now doing it all again and the I’m going through the same identity crisis, the same postpartum hair loss, the same hunt for feeding friendly clothes, the sadness that this season’s looks just don’t wear well with new baby demands. However your post is a good reminder to me of the last time and knowing that with patience this will pass and some new and exciting will emerge. I mean, I now the wearer of jumpsuits!
Oh Megan!
It was a relieve to read this post,as my baby is almost 2,and I have only been feeling like myself since this summer. I was not prepared at all for the postpartum period and hormones were a horrible experience, and the lost of identity too, but fashion wise,I was lost, and I study fashion and run a Fashion consultancy, I felt horrible not knowing what to do with myself! Do I buy a whole new wardrobe? Thanks for writing this, I feel like myself again and slowly building up my wardrobe again and enjoying clothes. Raquel