SIGNING OFF FOR CHRISTMAS

Good morning all and Merry Christmas week to each and every one of you. I hope you're all doing okay!
I know times are tough right now, life isn't what we expected it to be when we first embarked on this year, we had so much hope and excitement ahead of us for 2021 yet here we are at the end of December, just before Christmas, which has essentially been cancelled.
It's really quite hard to comprehend isn't it! But please, let us remember that we are all in this together and we can get through this together. Let's not pit one side of the country against the other, the way we've seen the government so shockingly do and the media follow suit. Let's stick together, know that what we are doing, as hard as it may be, is for the best. It is to protect our loved ones, to protect the NHS and to hopefully get out of this shit show a little quicker and a little less unscathed... If that's even possible after the last 9 months of it.

I wanted to touch upon how we're all feeling after this news as it felt wrong to simply bypass it and go straight in with the "festive cheer" and the recapping of at least some goodness of 2020, but this post I promise, will be less doom and gloom from this point and I'm sending so much love and positivity to each and every one of you throughout Christmas and of course, always.

So yes, we all know that 2020 wasn't what we thought it would have been, it's been a hard one to navigate for many of us and for more reasons than one but I have tried to see the positive in such a life changing year.
Whether that be through appreciating those smaller things in life such as the roof over our heads, the people we live with, natural day light, the power of music and an upbeat playlist such as this one, creativity, books, wine, chocolate; whatever that small thing is to you, I'd imagine you've appreciated it more than ever this year. I know I certainly have.

Slowing down a lot has allowed me to reevaluate what is important to me and it's not what I thought it would be as we started 2020. Work and a big white wedding were high on my priority list for 2020 and whilst they're both very exciting and wonderful aspects of my life, they've become secondary to many other things that a global pandemic, staying home and appreciating the smaller things in life have highlighted for me. Not to mention the fact that all of those things brought us the exciting news of our baby girl, the most important thing in the world to both George and I right now and for the rest of our lives let's face it. I've learnt things about myself, the world I've built for myself and my priorities that I'm really, truly grateful to 2020 for, that and baby raisin of course.

Along with the pandemic, 2020 brought education for many of us and for that I am forever grateful. It shouldn't have taken what took place this year for us to pay attention more and to do the work to become better people and to be anti-racists, it's something I will be forever ashamed of.
However, for the mid-latter part of 2020, alongside my pregnancy and educating myself on all things motherhood, I've worked really hard to educate myself on how I can become a better ally, on challenging my own white privilege and I've looked back at the history of this country and other countries alike to get a much better understanding.

I've made mistakes, the way we all have at some point I am most certain of that, and I've apologised and done my bit to be a better person, something I will continue to do and share with you as I go.
If you're looking for some things to watch, people to follow or books to read/listen to (as I did) then I would recommend the below but please do let me know of any other suggestions you may have.

Me & White Supremacy | Why I'm No Longer Talking To White People About Race | 13th | Dear White People | When They See Us |

Despite the fact that we literally haven't done anything this year. I have almost no new photographs of me and my pals or George and I throughout this pregnancy which is sad, I have some gorgeous memories that I will cherish forever; even if those memories are all virtual memories.

Finding out we were having a baby was of course one of them, the most magical memory of all. Going through pregnancy during a pandemic has been quite the ride, but a beautiful ride no less, just me and George.

Becoming a mum, staying home and appreciating life and what I have, and even the deep sadness and anxiety I've felt this year from parts of the online and real world alike, have all worked to make me a stronger person.
I now know where I'm going, where I want to be and what and who I need in my life and that is the biggest takeaway of 2020 for me. I'm happier than I have ever been in my entire life, I feel fulfilled with all aspects of my life. I love my job again, something I never thought I would get back after the summertime.
I've set boundaries within my job for the first time since I embarked on this crazy career accidentally 8 years ago. I know what I feel comfortable sharing and the things I will now refrain from sharing. I feel comfortable in the fact that despite me sharing things online and loving doing so; there are huge parts of my life, my personality and my world that are just for me and those who know me personally- I take great joy in that now.
I feel like I'm in the strongest version of myself after this year and I hope you're able to find some positive takeaways from the lowest parts of 2020, 'cause, at times I didn't think I'd ever recover, yet here I am.

So, Merry Christmas, take some time away from the real world during the next couple of weeks if you can and look after yourself. Do what makes YOU feel good, be selfish for a time and give yourself some real self care. I'm going to be completely deleting Instagram on Christmas Eve, something I did during the summer and it helped ten-fold for my mental health and I won't be back posting over here until the New Year. I hope you'll think about doing the same.

Thanks to all of you (even the horrible ones amongst you as you've just made me stronger than ever) but especially to those who have supported me this year, I bloody love you all and I'm excited to share this next chapter of my life with you in a way that feels right for me and my new family.
Take care, lots of love, Merry Christmas and let's pray for a kinder 2021.

x M