Hi all, I hope you're doing really well and your week has been as nice as possible considering how bleak things are right now. It's all still so strange this lockdown lark isn't it. I still have days when I'm up and days when I'm down, I guess that's simply part of being human, regardless of a global pandemic. However, I wanted to chat a little bit about some things that have been on my mind for a wee while now. Essentially getting a couple of things off my chest, if you'll divulge me?
Before this all began I remember sitting in my garden with my lovely mamma and sister and saying how if lockdown hits, I will blog every day, I was going to clear out my cupboards, clean my skirting boards and be really super productive. And then the lockdown hit...
And whilst I feel I’ve been productive and I’ve kept myself busy most days; I’ve written, I’ve designed, I’ve read, cleaned, exercised, eaten and drank (a lot) I haven’t done as much as I hoped I would and you know what, that’s okay!!
I had all the best intentions and I have achieved a lot, even if that means simply enjoying quality time with George, doing a bit of home decor, focusing on the future of my businesses and just simply being (!!!) but I haven’t done as much as I set out to do, but that’s alright by me and I shouldn’t and you should’t have to justify that.
Lockdown has been and will continue to be tough for everyone, it’s been absolutely horrific for some and quite the welcome relief for others I am sure. It’s been different and that’s what we need to remember, this is uncharted waters for everyone and everyone deals with it in very different ways.
Emma Gannon summed it up beautifully when she said “We're either shaming people for not being productive during this or being *too* productive, how about we just let people cope however they need to” something that I needed to read when I read it and found myself chanting "PREACH IT SISTER" and it has stuck with me everyday since.
A week or two into lockdown I was thrown off kilter a little bit by reading how people with “false positivity” were affecting others. I put myself into that bracket (albeit not exactly “false” positivity, just plain ole, joyful positivity) as I was trying to see the best of the situation. Trying to create to fill those boring voids that I knew so many of us would have. Filling them with content a plenty, with videos, stories, Instagram imagery and blog posts and then I saw a few people discus this “false positivity” and how it affected them as they were struggling and it made me feel really quite bad.
Yet since I’ve slowed down a little, not wanting to upset anyone, I’ve read other comments where people feel us content creators are not doing enough with our time. That we’re lazy, not giving enough when people are so bored. It’s that old friend of mine named imposter syndrome kicking in once again, letting other peoples opinions get the better of me, which sends me into a swirling vortex of self doubt not knowing which way is best.
This confusion has a lot to do with the lack of creative mojo I’ve been having lately. That, combined with being a self confessed people pleaser doesn’t really do much for my creativity nor my poor little head and for that reason I am writing this blog post today.
Whilst I am a little frustrated with the things I have read it's my own fault for caring so much. I want to spread positivity, that is what I am about, for the most part I am a super positive person and I do hope that shines through what I do. However, I am also human, I am allowed to feel sad, I'm allowed to take time to recoup and recentre myself and I'm allowed to make my own rules for my own life, creating when I want to and so should you.
I'm letting this blogpost be a reminder to just DO ME! I’m tired of feeling bad for who I am, what I do, and what I have. I’m a positive person and will continue to try and spread that positivity but I am also human and sometimes I have a bad day, I don’t have anything to say and even if I do I just might not want to say it. And that’s fine, just let people be. Let them do what they do. Take it, leave it, unfollow if you want to but just let them cope with this strange old thing the way they need to.
We must stop putting the unnecessary pressure on ourselves) to do more, be more or even worse, do and be less. Whether we're feeling positive or negative our feelings are valid and they shouldn't be defined by our productivity.
We all cope the way we can, it’s all very strange, very new and just a bit odd. We’re all in it together so please, let’s just grin and bear it and remember that if you don’t have anything nice to say, simply don’t say anything at all.
Sending lots of love to you all.
I feel you girl. After A LOT of therapy and burnouts and breakdowns I’ve learnt the most valuable lesson of all and that is to OWN IT. Whatever it might be – emotions I’m feeling, actions I’ve taken, clothes I’m wearing, things I’ve said. Owning it as well as owning up to it without making excuses. Nobody should take those things away from you. So keep on fighting chica.
Also it was fabulous seeing your Best vintage finds IG TV. I miss having the vid conversations and hearing these thoughts of yours because you rock.
Megan Ellaby says
Thank you Linn, truly, I think you’re so right about owning it being such a valuable life lesson! I’m certainly going to try and own it a little more.
Thanks so much for the kind words on my IGTV, really chuffed you enjoyed it x
Hi Megan. I hope you can continue to allow your natural positivity to shine through whilst respecting your emotional needs when they arise. Please remember that even though you influence many, you too are human and deserve to be supported as you go through high’s and low’s. I adore your content and know that I am not alone in turning to it for fun and creative inspiration (I even started my own blog because of you!) but it’s also reassuring to know that your life isn’t always picture perfect. Sending love and hugs ✿
Megan Ellaby says
Oh Jessica, thank you for your truly gorgeous message, it means a lot 🙂 truly it does. I’m thrilled to hear you’ve started your own blog too, thats so awesome! Lots of love to you x
Such an important and inspiring read. ♥️ It’s very easy right now for us to compare ourselves and what we are doing with our time with others, and let them have an influence over our thoughts and behaviours, but everyone is different and we all need to do our own thing to cope with the situation in the best way we can. Your positivity and kind harted nature is so lovely and infectious, and I hope you continue to thrive in it, while also allowing yourself to have the odd down day – because like you say, they’re normal and all our feelings are valid – and trying not putting any pressure on yourself – you may be an influencer but you’re also human and deserve all the support you need. You’re such an inspiration to me and I wish you all the best for the rest of this lockdown, you’ve got this darling! xx
This was such an eye opener to read. Social media platforms have it’s positives and negatives. Most people won’t post about their bad days or what they’re upset over as they prefer to put a front on to everyone who follows or likes them. That’s fair. But some people definitely feel pressure to put a front on however and this shouldn’t be happening. A lockdown is scary for everyone. I’m so happy you shared this post, really makes me feel better when I’m feeling guilty for having a lazy day, or just not in the best of moods and can’t be bothered. But than other days, I’m ready to go, be busy, be productive. As you said, we are only human!
Thank you for writing this. I let myself become engulfed by impostor syndrome too often. x
Hannah Sanderson says
It should be “indulge me” not “divulge me”. Having a proofreader look over your posts wouldn’t be a bad idea.