I never wanted to ever project anything but positivity into the world whilst we go through one of the scariest and uncertain moments of our time. But I must admit week 2&3 of lockdown are proving to be a much more difficult and emotional battle than that of week 1. And it seems many of us are feeling the same way.
During week one I managed to busy myself with creativity. Setting myself a challenge to create two pieces of content each day. I like goals and this relatively achieveable goal gave me something to get up for and to aim for each day. I busied myself with self shooting, with creating IGTV videos and documenting my day on Instagram stories hoping it would bring you some positivity too. Which I know from the lovely messages I’ve had that it did in fact help a great deal of you.
So I’m really quite disappointed in myself that this week I’m unable to share such positivity. I’m bored, I’m frustrated and I’m frightened.
It’s always tempting to follow such a statement with “I know I’m lucky and things could be much worse” but I’m learning that I’m entitled to feel those things as we navigate such uncertain and scary times and so are you!
Work has been put on hold for me and for the majority of us so it’s difficult to know how to fill our days and to in turn keep our chins up. I’ve completed jigsaw puzzle after jigsaw puzzle, I’ve FaceTimed everyone I love countless times a week, I’ve cooked, made cocktails, read a book and created many-a-piece of content and now I’m unsure what is left to do other than to clean my house, again for the third time this week...
We have many more weeks of lockdown left, possibly even months if those bean heads who think it’s okay to sunbathe in parks don’t pack it in (!!!) and the to-do list is getting shorter as it gets ticked off quickly every day. George and I sat down this afternoon and set down some ideas and plans for the house, things we can do that doesn’t require going out, ordering too much online or the help of others, so I think that will help us out and certainly keep us busy.
I’ve also got an easel on its way so I can finally give painting a crack, something I’m really looking forward to I must say. I’m working on a couple more playlists as I was truly thrilled and humbled with how many of you got in touch to say how much the last playlist brightened your day. Please know your messages brightened my day too.
I miss my Nanna terribly and despite calling her every other day, it’s not enough. Man I wish she had WiFi and a phone that enabled video call. She’s “bored shitless” her words, not mine (gotta love her) and whilst I’m having puzzles and DVD’s sent to her house it breaks my heart that we can’t visit.
I miss my family and my friends and I worry about my dad every day as he continues working as a key worker. When the sun shines it brightens my mood ten fold, but it also makes the reality of this much harder as I know that the first signs of sun would normally call for garden parties, BBQ’s and beers with our loved ones. But I’m so grateful for the sun and to have a garden. I’ll never ever take that for granted.
Music, food, alcohol and styling are bringing joy daily so it’s not all bad. And George, I’m forever thankful to have such an incredible man in my life. A person that makes me cry laugh every day, that dances with me in the kitchen. Gives me fun tasks to do to take my mind off things. That makes his own brioche buns from scratch because I’m craving a hot dog but we don’t have any bread in. Who puts his hand on my leg when he knows I’m struggling but don’t want to talk. I’m thankful to have someone I never get bored of in these boring times. And right on que, as I’m writing this in the garden George shouts an expletive as he drops something in the kitchen, an expletive too vulgar for the blog and I’m cry laughing once again.
Basically what I’m saying is that we’re all going through this together, the ups and the downs. For every up that you see on Instagram, remember that almost every day around 3pm I’ll have a low. A low because I’ve let myself scroll through news article after news article and the reality hits home all over again.
I’m a positive person by nature and I want everything I do to bring some light to you, and I’m even hoping by writing this slightly negative blogpost that it might leave you feeling less alone in this? I don’t know, but I do hope so.
Staying positive doesn’t mean you have to be happy all the time. It means that even on hard days you know that better days are coming.
Sending lots of love and light to you and yours.