I've had a lot of time to think lately. Whether it’s on trains, planes or in my car, whether it’s in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep due to all the thoughts and feelings conveniently coming out of the woodwork at 2am. Whether it’s in waiting rooms, in the shower or midway through the day, my head has been in overdrive and to be perfectly honest it’s driving me potty… Warning, this could get waffley.
As I mentioned in my last post, the past couple of weeks have thrown me a little bit and I’ve struggled to find my footing, to get going and to be productive. Life’s thrown a couple more things our way recently and it’s only now that I’m able to push down on the accelerator and finally get cracking with February… On February 20th… Great!
I’ve been pondering my purpose and my place in this online world. Conflicted with who I once was and who I am growing into. I’m comparing myself from 3 years ago to the person I am today and I’m worrying and battling with myself with exactly where I sit, where I should sit and most importantly where I want to sit.
It’s only now when I’m looking at these very images of myself, all leather cladded and looking strong and dare I say “bad ass” for want of a better word, that I finally realise that there doesn’t need to be a specific place where I sit. I can sit here and then I can move over there and if I want to I can go back to sitting right here, figuratively speaking of course. I don’t need to be pigeon holed or worse, to pigeon hole myself. I can be strong one day, weak the next. I can be happy and sad, fun and boring. I can hibernate away at home one night to recharge my batteries following a night out. I can have it all if I want it all and I can do it all whilst wearing whatever the heck I want, I don’t need to be put in a box.
Boxes, stereotypes and pigeon holes were created as a way for people to try and understand other people. Grouping sets of people who dress, do and act the same is a way for the media to compartmentalise different people within society and I get it, it’s easier for our brains to understand something if it’s clearly defined. But I don’t want to be defined, I want to be varied and unexpected and I want the work I put out there to feel varied and unexpected too. I don’t want you to log onto my blog or Instagram and before your browser’s even had time to load you know exactly the look you’re going to see. I want to keep things exciting and develop and change as I grow, as trends come and trends go and as the inspiration hits.
But I am guilty of trying to pigeon hole myself would you believe it? Not just with my personal style and my place in the fashion industry but with life in general. As I’m getting older and approaching 30 I’m naturally thinking about the future a lot. About my future family, my future career goals and just life in general. Where do I want to be in 5 years time? I’m a planner, what can I say and you know as well as anybody that I really like to set myself goals to keep myself driven along the way. I think in this world right now we can lose sight of exactly who we are and who we want to be in favour of somebody else’s wants and needs whether they be someone close to us or somebody we’ve seen online. It’s easy to get distracted by the moves others are making and easy to forget exactly what we have achieved, just how far we have come and where we hope to be ourselves.
I’m not a creature of habit, I like to be constantly moving, to have exciting plans, to develop and to change and to be challenged, yet I think sometimes this holds me back as I become so insanely frustrated when things aren’t going the way I planned them to or things aren’t moving as fast as I hoped they would. I’m realising, slowly and with some resistance that sometimes I need to just stop. To evaluate my life and remember the bigger picture. I need to slow the heck down and realise not everything needs to happen right now and at once and that taking time to really think things through can often work out for the better. I think I need to get out of my own head a little, to take some time out to do the things that really make me happy and relaxed like reading, taking a bath, walking my dogs and researching. I need to slow down, to plan a little more and to stop getting frustrated at myself with how I think I should be feeling right now or where I think I should be right now and stop worrying that others might be thinking the same of me. Slow and steady wins the race after-all.
Living a fast paced way of life and probably being a little too impatient comes into all aspects of my life especially with my personal style.
I’ve been too inside my own head lately when it comes to fashion and my place in the industry wondering and worrying about where I should be or where I wish I was or what I wish I was doing or wearing. But I’m realising (again) that variety is the spice of life, I can be whoever I want to be, a different persona every day with a different inspiration or muse every day. I can be the seventies starlet on a Monday a nineties grunge kid on Tuesday and I can be a plain old boring but oh so comfortable version of myself on Wednesday in jeans and a jumper, I don’t need to be typecast to have a place within the industry.
Do you know what I mean? I’ve just written this entire piece in under 10 minutes as it’s been sitting in my little head for several days now and I think I just needed to let my fingers run riot and type it all out. I truly hope it makes sense and that you can understand and possibly even relate to where I’m coming from. Basically, don’t pigeon hole me nor anyone else and certainly not yourself. We’re human beings not toys, we don’t need to be put in a box. We can be whoever we want to be whenever we want to be it, please remember that.