Don't let anyone dull your sparkle - what a beautiful saying!
It's a mantra I've tried to live by for as long as I can remember.
A mantra my mamma has instilled in me from the early years when I was unfortunately bullied at school.
Since then I’ve been an absolute sucker for the line; printing it off and framing it in A3 for my teenage bedroom wall, doodling it whilst on the phone and regularly passing on my mothers pearls of wisdom to friends in tricky situations, it’s a relatively cheesy one but a bloody good one, one that can often be overlooked.
I blame my time at school for the confidence issues I’ve gone through in my short time as an adult (read more about this here and here if you so wish) and whilst it's certainly something I'm working on, sometimes I need to learn to take my mammas advice and remember to never let anyone dull my sparkle... Simple, right!?
Easier said than done. For me anyway.
I'm the kind of person who is easily affected by the moods of others and can quite literally have my sparkle dulled or switched off all together through the often unknowing individual and their mood that day.
And whilst I think it's good to be in tune with the way in which others are feeling, in my eyes being thoughtful and caring are two of the most important traits in a person, it's something that more recently I have noticed more and more about myself and how I let people accidentally change my mood, and quite frankly it's beginning to drive me a little bit potty.
And whilst I currently don’t have the recipe to change the way I am affected by others, I wanted to chat about it, as always, in case you can offer any light on the matter, as we’re all friends here; friends desperately trying to pave our way in life and sometimes, we hit a hump.
I’ve dealt with this hump for as long as I can remember, but it was this morning in fact, where I thought to hell with this hump, I’m just not having this anymore ( I do love a good telling off, even if it is to myself and by myself)
Whilst I whole heartedly believe in this phrase; how can I preach this beautiful mantra when I often go against it? So instead I thought I’d share, and I hope that’s cool with you.
So anyhoo a bit of context to my rather odd mood affector, usually this takes place when I feel a little out of place, a mouse if you will, amongst a pride of lions. I’m not the most self assured person in the world so when I’m amongst a group of outgoing people who I don’t know all too well, I tend to hide in the shadows a little bit. I read into a lot of things and I am sensitive by nature, I’m a Cancerian through and through so I have no doubt in my mind that this has something to do with the way I let my mood be affected by those around me.
However, it also happens quite regularly with the people I love the most.
Their moods through having had a tough day at the office, frustrating emails or simply just not feeling too well, can really dull me down, despite having had a great day myself.
It's a hard one to explain unless you too go through a similar thing but it's something I'm pledging to myself to not let ANYONE do anymore as it doesn’t help those I love when they’re feeling down and it certainly doesn’t help me now does it.
For the most part, I'm a happy and positive person, I like to see the good in things and I want to make sure that everyone around me is happy, including myself. I'm beginning to see that by finding confidence and strength in myself, then perhaps I'll stop worrying too much about the feelings of others and in turn, perhaps my sparkle will cease to darken?
I'm going to make a conscious effort to stand strong when people vent, sulk, moan and take out their bad mood on me. I'm going to not let anyone rain on my parade or try and bring me down into the pits with them. I'm going to sympathise, rationalise and be there for them, but thats where it stops. I think having a good talk to yourself is just the ticket for ensuring that you stay on top, whether it's your partner, siblings, parents, colleagues, or even something you've read on Twitter, I'm thinking deep breaths and a good talking to inside your own head is on the cards to ensure that they don't bring down your mood with theirs.
But it's not just the moods of others, I see it online too.
Girls bringing girls down and essentially dulling other peoples sparkle through that little green eyed monster or simply due to not getting along. The internet has become quite a bitter place recently and I've since shied away and taken a little bit of time away from it as nobody needs to read the venom going around right now. These negative thoughts need to stay as thoughts and don't need to creep out onto Twitter or bitchy forums for the world to see. We as women should be lifting each other up and celebrating our successes together rather than tearing someone down and essentially dulling their sparkle in order to let yours shine a little more. That's not doing yourself, them or anyone else any favours - If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, another stellar piece of advice from Diane Ellaby and mothers around the globe alike.
BERET- ASOS, BLAZER- EMPORIO ARMANI (SIMILAR) TSHIRT- c/o HOUSE OF HOLLAND, BELT- PRIMARK (SIMILAR), JEANS- c/o & OTHER STORIES, BOOTS- c/o & OTHER STORIES, BAG- c/o STRATHBERRY
Whilst “don’t let anyone dull your sparkle” is one of my all time favourite quotes, there are others of that ilk that also ring true for me too. Quotes I feel we all could do with hearing from time to time for that extra sprinkling of sparkle.
First up we have the oh so wise Buddha who said- “The mind is everything. What you think you become”
Something I whole heartedly believe is true, with a lot of time and self love. Positivity breeds positivity for the most part, but when that little bit of negativity comes from somebody else we simply need to breathe it in, and breathe it out. I’m currently a dweller, so I become consumed by someone else’s vibe, something I’m determined to change.
Eleanor Roosevelt also said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” How bloody true is this! I need this now more than ever! We have the power to feel whatever the heck we want to feel, and whilst initially I blame other people for dulling down my sparkle in the first place, I know, deep down that essentially it is down to me to not allow this to happen!
And with that almighty post, I must dash. Having written this down I feel a heck load better, lighter and happier. God I love my blog so much! Sharing is caring and all that malarkey and I really hope even just one of you can resonate with what I’ve shared today and take a little something away to sparkle throughout the day... oh hey I’m a poet!
x M
I so needed this post. I let others moods bring mine down to and it’s time to put an end to it! I’d never like to think I’d bring anyone down so let’s not let them do it to us! X
Hey Megan. I can totally relate to being quite sensitive. Sometimes, it’s so hard to snap out of feeling down when you’ve been affected by other people around you, isn’t it? You’re definitely not alone. Sometimes, I tend to sulk from being down…but what helps is to talk to someone about what you’re feeling. After I talk to some of my friends, I feel better. Listening to an upbeat, catchy song or watching a funny YouTube video can also lift my mood.
You’re right when you said “positivity breeds positivity.” I used to practice more positivity and gratitude, but this year’s been a roller coster and a little tough, but thank you for reminding me to be positive! That’s why I really enjoy your content–you’re so genuine and positive! 🙂
I’m so glad you wrote about this subject as I haven’t seen many people talk about this before! I’m a super sensitive person, and am affected by other people’s moods SO much. I never thought much of it, to be honest, until I read this post and completely recognised myself from it! I hate that if I come to work in a great mood, it can be quickly changed by someone else who’s feeling negative or cranky that day, and I hate it. I wish that I could offer you advice, but I don’t really know how to deal with it yet, myself. I’ll keep my eyes on this comment section, though, just in case anyone else can offer some golden snippets of wisdom! xx
Ps. I love that quote by your mum – she sounds like a lovely lady!
Laura // Middle of Adventure
Ahhh babe it’s the worst isn’t it! Theres some really interesting comments now so read away and I hope they help you too babe. We’ve got this and we’ll get there!!! xoxox
Love this!
Hey megan 🙂 it all starts with small steps but most important is that you take care of yourself and you treat yourself with dignity and respect. If you are able to do that, you will conquer the world but remember the world wasn’t made in a day, it takes time but most important to never give up 🙂 Hope it helps 🙂 have a wonderful week 🙂
Love Becca xxx
Oh Becca wow what beautiful words, thank you SO much x
Absolutely loved this post!!! Here’s to being positive…. I thought I’d add in a few mantras I live my life by!
1. Surrounds yourself with radiators / be a raidiator!
2. Your vibe attracts your tribe
Keep sparkling hun!
BIG LOVE,
Siobhan
Justauniform.com
LOVE LOVE LOVE! Thank you gorgeous one, as always for being simply fabulous! x
Love this and totally relate! I find it hard being around others who aren’t in the best moods when I am, it makes everything suck!!! I love that little quote, your mumma is a wise lady! X
https://ainsleylouise.com/
She is SO wise! x
Hi Megan, I needed a post like this! I’m having a bit of a rough time and the decisions I make now could influence my whole future (read: I might drop out of uni), so this post gave me a little positivity :’)
P. S.: the yellow backpack you styled in this outfit is spectacular!!
Oh Anna, you’ve got this girl! Try not to look ahead too much, things always work out the way they’re supposed to, you’ve just got to trust yourself and do whatever makes you happy! I believe in you xo
I can totally relate to this blog and really needed to reed this at this time in my life. It’s a lovely quality to be this sensitive to others feelings because we can relate and help and make people feel understood. But it’s also dangerous for ourselves because we tend to distance ourselves from our own feelings. I am currently sat home with a burn-out caused by this. Being so sensitive to everything and everyone around me, trying to please the world but forgetting to please myself.
I found that reading about mindfulness has really helped me. It’s very much in line with the quote from Buddha, and focuses on a few mantra’s such as patience with others and mainly yourself. But the main thing it made me realize is that what I make of a situation in my head is not the truth. It’s only an interpretation of the truth that’s eating up all my energy. And how I think about something, is affecting how I feel. It’s helping my to let go a bit of other people’s moods and judgements and focusing on my own feelings, and reducing the negativity. I can really recommend reading about it and hope it can help you too!
XO Vera
Oh Vera wow, thank you so much for your kind comment and for recommending that I read up on mindfulness, it’s definitely something I’m thinking more about as to look after myself a little more and be kind to myself. You’re so right about how draining it can be being uber sensitive to everything around us! Thank you for taking the time out to both read and comment on this post, it truly means the world x
Really interesting post and something I completely relate to. I work in an office full of women and whilst it’s great to have a moan and a gossip sometimes, I find it leaves me feeling so drained, especially when things turn a little negative and bitchy. I try so hard to stay positive and upbeat and I have really worked on this within myself but I so very easily take on every else’s moods.
I heard a little saying recently, people are either radiators or drains, and its SO true! I know an awful lot of drains… And yes I admit I also can be sometimes, we all can…We can easily fall into having those one or two friends and colleagues we moan to, and it’s a mutual thing, but the friendship is based on moaning to each other and it can be SO draining. I’m very mindful that I take on other’s moods easily so I think that others I talk to must be like that too. So I really try to not be a drain, if I moan a little bit, I try to balance it with positives etc. I don’t want my mood to affect others and vice versa.
I wonder if you have ever taken the 16 personalities test? Some people love them, others hate them but I really love little tests like this and this one is one of the best. When I read my results I honestly felt like somebody finally ‘got me’. It’s a free test (I’m so not trying to plug it, I just really love it!) I’m an INFJ, and I suspect that you may be something similar… give it a go!
Thanks for the super honest posts, I think it’s great to use your platform to discuss these types of things. I’m a huge fan of your blog and YouTube, I only wish there were inspiring young women and blogs and youtube when I was younger, I think you are doing fab.
Jo x
JO WOW! Thank you for your super long and gorgeous comment, it truly means the world!
It also means an awful lot to me that you can relate to this post, v interesting point about the radiators or drains, hmmmm!
Oooo interesting also about the personality test, I’ve never done one before but maybe I should, thank you hun!
Ahhh babe It means the world that you’re enjoying what I do, it’s a tricky thing to know when you’re oversharing but it means so much to receive comments such as yours 🙂
Thank you x
Fucking PREEEAAACH! <3 love love love this post. you are a bloody star you are. and heck yeah to lifting other women. I like the saying "her success is not your failure" for that exact reason. keep up the great work because you make me want to work so much harder and do fun things. also maaaayybbbeee one day wear a bit more colour, but we'll see about that. x
Ohhh Linn wow thank you for your gorgeous comment, it means the world!
I too adore that phrase, so so important to remember!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!
I LOVED this blog post! Your muma’s quotes are so sweet and carry such a weight to them ?
Your thoughts in this post also totally resonate with me.
I am also trying to work on my reactions to people/situations and try to eat to a point where nobody influences how I feel other than myself.
I have just finished reading an INCREDIBLE book that looks at the root of personalities, how our upbringings affect our adult lives, how we can re-write our weaknesses and be happier within ourselves. I’m a bit of a psychology geek like that – I find it all SO interesting! ?
But I reckon you would love the book!
It is called Your Erroneous Zones by Dr Wyane D. Dwyer.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Erroneous-Zones-negative-thinking/dp/0749939850
Happy Sparkling, Megan ✨☺️
Ella, thank you so much for taking the time out to read and comment on my blog, it truly means so much! Thanks also for the awesome book recommendation, it sounds fascinating and I’ve swiftly added it to my wishlist! xo
I deal with this issue everyday in my life! And as i get older i found somewhat interesting ways to confront it: 1. When someone’s problem is bringing me down i try to stop and think about solutions. I ask myself can i help them? How? And sometimes given the circumstances i cannot, and as a human being i’ve learnt that i have a capacity and i sometimes i can’t help even my lived ones. 2. I’ve seen that because i listen and care for ppl some of my friends only come to me when they are troubled bled so i really and truely start to notice this kind of behavior and just ignore the bad mood. 3. And the last and bitter piece of advice: some ppl like to nag! Like to start a show of how miserable their life is in order to get attention. It’s kinda a cry for attention thing. I just recently understood that this kind of character exists on this planet and i’m trying my beat to avoid them.
Thanks so much for reading and sharing babe, totally appreciate it! xo
Oh wow….what about this coincidence….
I just got home from work today and had a cry…… nothing terrible happened but I just felt like it was the worst day ever…… I then had to remember my life is actually pretty awesome ! But, like you, having suffered from incessant bullying from the age of 9 to 14……my self-value is very fluctuating.
Moreover, being an empath and super sensitive to others around me leaves me feeling like a drained out sponge some days. And part of me feels “hurt” when other people’s moods make me feel bad… how dare they being so inconsiderate? I would never do that…..
I decided today that in order to not let others dull my sparkle I need to be coherent with myself and my feelings, they are as important as everyone elses and they’re not gonna get me down without my permission ?????
Hope you feel better soon as well! Xx
Oh Alba I’m so sorry you had a bad day, but I’m thrilled that you can relate to this post in some way!
Thanks so much for sharing xoxox
It’s like you’re inside my head! I burst into tears at work yesterday because my colleague (who wasn’t having the best of days) snapped at me. You should have seen his face! It’s been one of those weeks for me, everyone else is in a bad mood and I’ve spent all week trying to perk and cheer everyone up that it built up and I just couldn’t contain the sadness. After my outpour I did feel better and I realised that I don’t always need to be the one to male everyone happy, and just because they’re not – it’s no reflection on me. I’m exhaustd from it and and looking forward to a few days off to reset and practise some self care. Thank you for making me realise I’m not alone. Look after yourself too and listen to your mama. Bxx
Oh Becca wow thanks for the lovely comment, it means so much!
I’m so sorry you’ve had a tough week, it’s so hard being the cheerer-upperer some times isnt’ it haha!
YES a weekend of self care sounds like a good idea!
Thank you dalring, you’re certainly not alone in this x
Love this!!! Exactly what i needed at this point in my life. Unlike you, I’m not a naturally ositive person, but as of late things have been going really well and I’ve found myself feeling happier often. That has made me realize that I am greatly afected by other’s moods. I try to ignore it for the most part, but when it comes to those I love and care about its difficult. What I try to do is hear them out and make them feel better so, in consequence, I feel better.
Also wanted to say that I’m new to you blog and love your writting style, as well as your personal style. You have helped me be more confident in my outfit choices and I’m very thankful for that. 😀
Thanks so much for commenting Sofia babe, and thats such a nice way to look at it, making someone feel better is a sure-fired way to make you feel better, you’re SO right there!
Ahhh wow thank you SO much it really means a lot to have you here and to hear that your confidence in your style has grown! YAY thank you x
This is the first blog of yours I have read and what a bloody good one to start with .
I follow you on Instagram and you tube and always mean to read your blog but always forget .
I love this blog this mantra and everything you have written . Being a women / girl is one of the most difficult things in this life we are so in are heads and always so hard on our selfs and or sex . We need to empathise more with each other and embrace our differences .
We are a sisterhood and need to remember this .
We also need to concentrate on our selfs which we all forget to do .
I love whow honest you was in your post and it was inspiring to me . Life can be tough and your sparkle can dull easily at times , your blog post has reminded me to think about my self and what my sparkle is . So thank you very much indeed for opening my eyes to what my sparkle is xxx
Ahhhh Lexy thanks so much for coming across, means the absolute world!
Could not agree with you more with what you said!
Sparkle away girlie x
Words to live by! Such a great post, and it’s so true that it has become quite a negative place online (I can be guilty of being a total grumpy git online sometimes haha, but I would never want to inflict negativity into someone else purposely!).
It’s nice to hear that you’re trying to stay as positve as possible despite he sometimes crappier days – I’m going to try and do the same! xxx
Go on girlie! All the positive vibes!! x
What a breath of fresh air. I needed this one today, thanks Megan <3
It's really difficult being a person so easily swayed by the emotions of others; I remember being a teenager and being so unaware that I was even doing it.
Now-a-days I am a lot more self aware but that doesn't always make it easier to switch off, particularly when its caused by loved ones, that can be really hard!
I always liked the quote, "You don't have to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm", it's a little more dramatic than your quotes for sure (haha!) but I think the meaning behind it can be quite liberating when applied to the ideas you've talked about in this blog.
In the extreme sense, when someone breaks their arm, you don't then break your own arm out of the need to empathize, instead you offer comfort and support to help them. It's important to try and do the same with how people are feeling. Although for us it is natural to adjust how we feel to the way those around us are feeling, by doing so we aren't helping them feel better, whether it be that they've just had a shit day at work or something more serious. Like you said, sympathize and rationalize and then move on (it's the moving on part that I'm personally still wrestling with!).
Sensitivity can be a strength. It makes us kinder and wiser but as with everything moderation is key.
By loving ourselves we can better love those around us and all that other corny stuff! You know, instead of people dulling your sparkle, you help them shine a bit brighter!
I was introduced to you by your video with Helen Anderson a couple of moths ago and I have to say I simply adore everything you do! Thanks for putting out so much positiveness Megan, it makes everything sparkle a bit brighter!
Love from Aussie land xx
I always see you as this ultimate cool babe, but we really do all have weaknesses and things that trigger low confidence – I can be quite shy and anxious, and generally hold myself back from making new relationships and progressing things further, but talking about it always makes you feel less alone and Eleanor’s wise words are definitely something I should listen to more.
Lauren x
Britton Loves | Cruelty-Free/Vegan Beauty • Lifestyle • Photography
Can’t even express how much I love this post Megan!!! I definitely let people’s moods consume mine, I’ve found myself in a negative spiral and am definitely trying to think more positively. Law of attraction and all that. This was definitely what I needed to read to know that other people experience the same thing.
Abi | abistreetx
Such a good post. The best advice for me, was in the title “Practice what you preach”, that is SO true. Most of the time I find myself giving advice and then think “oh, that’s not even something I do/tell myself” because I am my worst ennemy and am kinder to other people than myself. So when I am trying to help them and listen to the words coming out of my mouth, I just think “if only you could give you the same advices and try them !”. As you said, it might be something that will get fixed along with gaining self confidence.
As for the mood influence, I try not to take it, just thinking that if I want to help the person who is complaining, feels upset or anything, me sharing her/his mood won’t be helpful and might even emphasize it all. Happiness should be contagious but not bad mood lol.
Honestly, this sentence ” “usually this takes place when I feel a little out of place, a mouse if you will, amongst a pride of lions. I’m not the most self assured person in the world so when I’m amongst a group of outgoing people who I don’t know all too well, I tend to hide in the shadows a little bit.” ” could be me, most can’t understand what it’s like, and this kind of situation can really affect my mood and I’ll just take a step back and stay quiet and not “myself”, most of the times wondering “where did I – the true me – go ?”
Anyway, this is exactly the kind of post that I love to read because it’s helpful for advices but also to relate and try to emulate what the writer had done to fix those issues. 🙂
xxxx
https://i-think-its-today.blogspot.com/
Thanks so much for taking the time to comment babe, really means the world you sharing like this 🙂 Thank you x